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Journal

Postpartum anxiety, or ordinary new parent worry?

Every new parent worries. The question worth asking is whether the worry ever turns off.

Worrying about a new baby is not a symptom. It is most of parenthood. What can be worth attention is worry that does not switch off when the thing you are worried about is fine.

Postpartum anxiety gets missed more often than it should, partly because the person carrying it usually looks like she is coping. She is organized. The baby is fed. The house is running. Nobody is alarmed, including her.

What It Tends to Look Like

  • 01

    Checking the baby again after you have already checked, several times over

  • 02

    Intrusive images of something terrible happening, which arrive uninvited and feel horrifying

  • 03

    A body that stays braced, with a tight chest, a clenched jaw, or a stomach that will not settle

  • 04

    Being unable to sleep even when the baby finally does

  • 05

    Needing to control small things, and feeling panicky when someone changes the plan

  • 06

    Avoiding driving, outings, or letting anyone else hold the baby

Intrusive thoughts are not intentions. They are one of the most common and most frightening parts of postpartum anxiety, and having them does not mean you are a danger to your baby.

Ordinary Worry, or Something More

There is no clean line, but a few questions tend to help. Does the worry ease when the thing you feared does not happen, or does it move straight to the next thing? Can you rest when someone you trust has the baby? Is it costing you sleep you could otherwise be getting? Has it narrowed what you are willing to do?

If most of those answers point one way, it may be worth talking to someone rather than waiting it out.

What Helps

Postpartum anxiety responds well to support, and it does not require you to be falling apart to qualify for it. Therapy can work with the nervous system rather than only the thoughts, which matters when the fear is faster than your reasoning.

Speak to your doctor or midwife too, especially if sleep has gone or the worry started suddenly. There are medical causes worth ruling out, and options worth knowing about.

You do not have to be at the end of yourself to be allowed to ask for help.

If you are in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, call or text 988 now, or go to your nearest emergency department.

If This Sounds Like Your Last Few Months

The consultation is free and it is only a conversation. Fifteen minutes, no pressure, and you decide afterwards.