--- title: "When the birth went well and you are not okay" description: "A birth can go well on paper and still leave something behind. What birth trauma actually is, what it tends to look like months later, and how it is worked with." lang: en json-ld: | [ { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Person", "@id": "https://leahharlan.com/#leah-harlan", "name": "Leah Harlan", "honorificSuffix": "MA, LPC", "jobTitle": "Licensed Professional Counselor", "telephone": "804-395-5362", "sameAs": [ "https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/leah-harlan-prince-george-va/1464891" ], "worksFor": { "@type": "Organization", "name": "Harlan Therapy LLC", "@id": "https://leahharlan.com/#harlan-therapy" }, "address": { "@type": "PostalAddress", "streetAddress": "6610 Commons Drive, Suite C", "addressLocality": "Prince George", "addressRegion": "VA", "postalCode": "23875", "addressCountry": "US" }, "areaServed": { "@type": "State", "name": "Virginia" } }, { "@type": [ "MedicalBusiness", "ProfessionalService" ], "@id": "https://leahharlan.com/#harlan-therapy", "url": "https://leahharlan.com/", "name": "Harlan Therapy", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://leahharlan.com/logo-harlan-therapy.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 }, "image": "https://leahharlan.com/og-harlan-therapy.png", "telephone": "804-395-5362", "priceRange": "$300 - $2,500", "founder": { "@id": "https://leahharlan.com/#leah-harlan" }, "provider": { "@id": "https://leahharlan.com/#leah-harlan" }, "availableLanguage": "English", "medicalSpecialty": "Psychotherapy for birth trauma and the perinatal window", "serviceType": [ "Birth trauma therapy", "Perinatal and postpartum therapy", "Trauma and PTSD therapy", "Individual therapy", "Therapy intensives" ], "knowsAbout": [ "Birth trauma", "Traumatic birth recovery", "Perinatal and postpartum anxiety", "Pregnancy after loss", "Brainspotting", "Internal Family Systems", "Somatic therapy" ], "availableService": { "@type": "MedicalTherapy", "name": "Birth trauma therapy" }, "address": { "@type": "PostalAddress", "streetAddress": "6610 Commons Drive, Suite C", "addressLocality": "Prince George", "addressRegion": "VA", "postalCode": "23875", "addressCountry": "US" }, "areaServed": { "@type": "State", "name": "Virginia" } }, { "@type": "Service", "serviceType": "Psychotherapy for birth trauma and the perinatal window", "provider": { "@id": "https://leahharlan.com/#harlan-therapy" }, "areaServed": { "@type": "State", "name": "Virginia" } } ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://leahharlan.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Blog", "item": "https://leahharlan.com/blog" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "When the birth went well and you are not okay", "item": "https://leahharlan.com/blog/when-the-birth-went-well-and-you-are-not-okay" } ] } ] --- Accepting new patients in-person or virtually across Virginia. [Harlan Therapy](/) - [Birth Trauma](/specialties/birth-trauma) - [Who I Help](/who-i-help) - [Services▾ ](/services) - [Individual Therapy](/services/individual-therapy) - [Therapy Intensives](/services/therapy-intensives) - [Rates](/rates-and-insurance) - [Facts](/faq) - [Blog](/blog) - [Resources](/resources) - [About](/about) [Request a consultation ](/contact#intake)Menu Journal # When the birth went well and you are not okay The chart says it went fine. Everyone was kind. The baby is healthy. And something in you still has not settled. Trauma is not decided by how bad it looked from the outside. It is decided by what happened inside you, in a moment when your body could not act and could not get away. This is the part that keeps women quiet. There is no obvious place to put the fact that you brace at the door of the hospital, or go still when someone asks how the birth went, or find your heart racing in the shower for no reason you can name. Nobody harmed you. Everyone was kind. The outcome was good. So you say you are grateful, and you are. You can be grateful and still be carrying something that needs a witness. ## What Often Carries Forward - 01 Replaying moments of the birth, or losing whole stretches of it - 02 Flinching at medical settings, monitors, gowns, or the smell of a hospital corridor - 03 Feeling detached from the birth, as if it happened to someone else - 04 Dread or avoidance around a future pregnancy - 05 Anger that has nowhere to go, at a person, a policy, or your own body - 06 A sense of having been managed rather than met - 07 Difficulty settling into sleep even when the baby sleeps You do not need a diagnosis, a dramatic story, or anyone else's agreement that it was bad enough. If it is still with you, that is enough reason to bring it here. ## Why It Sticks During a birth that goes sideways, your body is often in a position it cannot do anything about. You cannot leave, you cannot fight, and frequently you cannot see what is happening to you. Your nervous system records that, and it records it as a physical event rather than as a story with a tidy ending. That is why explaining it to yourself afterwards rarely settles it. You can know the staff acted correctly, know the outcome was good, and still have a body that reacts to a monitor beeping in a television programme. ## How the Work Usually Goes We do not start by making you narrate the birth from beginning to end. Retelling it in detail, before your body has any footing, is often how women get retraumatized in a therapy room. We start with the present: where the birth still lives in your body now, and what sets it off. Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems and somatic work all let you process something without having to perform it. You stay in control of the pace throughout, and you can stop at any point. You are not being dramatic and you are not ungrateful. Your nervous system recorded something your story has no room for. Related Reading [ ### Birth Trauma Read more→ ](/specialties/birth-trauma) [ ### Traumatic Birth Recovery Read more→ ](/specialties/traumatic-birth-recovery) [ ### Fear of Birth and Pregnancy After Trauma Read more→ ](/specialties/fear-of-birth-and-pregnancy-after-trauma) ## If Any of That Landed The consultation is free and it is only a conversation. Fifteen minutes, no pressure, and you decide afterwards. 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