--- title: "Feeling Disconnected From Your Baby | Harlan Therapy" url: https://leahharlan.com/blog/feeling-disconnected-from-your-baby description: "Feeling distant or numb after a birth can be hard to describe. Read about asking for assessment and support with Leah Harlan in Virginia." lang: en --- Image: Warm linen in soft light (https://leahharlan.com/assets/spec-linen-1920-bpnCEVk9.webp) # Feeling Disconnected From Your Baby After a Hard Birth You are caring for your baby and wondering about a feeling that seems to be missing. Request a consultation: https://leahharlan.com/contact#intake You feed the baby, change the baby, rock the baby, and some part of you watches it all from a step away. You would protect this child with your life. You are still waiting to feel the thing everyone said you would feel. Feeling distant or numb can be difficult to talk about when everyone expects a particular kind of joy. You can describe it to a healthcare professional without deciding what it means about you or what caused it. You may smile for photographs and keep the routine moving while privately worrying about the feeling that seems to be missing. ## What Disconnection Can Feel Like Disconnection can be experienced in different ways. You might recognize some of these descriptions: - 01 Doing everything right, with a flatness you cannot shift - 02 Feeling more like a babysitter than a mother - 03 Tensing at the baby's cry in a way that feels physical - 04 Looking at the baby and seeing the birth - 05 Guilt that grows every time someone says how in love you must be The care you are providing and the feelings you are having can be discussed separately. You do not need to hide distress because you are still completing the daily tasks. ## What Else May Need Attention There may be several things to discuss: the birth, current mood, sleep, physical recovery, and the support available to you. We should not assume that the birth is the only explanation for feeling disconnected. If you were separated from your baby or missed moments you expected to share, that may be part of your experience. You can talk about disappointment or uncertainty without treating those moments as a verdict on your relationship. If physical symptoms or recovery concerns are affecting daily life, bring them to your medical provider. Emotional support and medical care can both have a place in the plan. You do not have to produce a particular feeling during a therapy session. You can begin by describing what caring for your baby is like for you now. ## When It Is Also Depression Difficulty feeling connected can occur with postpartum depression, but it does not diagnose depression on its own. Discuss persistent numbness, loss of interest, or concerns about caring for yourself or your baby with a healthcare professional. If you may harm yourself or your baby, cannot stay safe, or are experiencing severe confusion or hallucinations, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. For suicidal crisis or emotional distress, call [988](tel:988) or text [988](sms:988). ## How I Work With Disconnection In therapy, we can discuss the feelings you are having, what the birth was like, and what daily care asks of you. I draw from Brainspotting, somatic approaches, and Internal Family Systems (https://leahharlan.com/approach/internal-family-systems). We assess whether this work fits without presuming that a particular technique will create a bond or explain the numbness. The first task is to understand what support you need. Sessions are weekly, in person in Prince George or by telehealth while you are in Virginia. A consultation can address fit; urgent concerns need immediate clinical assessment. You do not have to fake a feeling to deserve help with it. Request a free consultation (https://leahharlan.com/contact). ## Ask About the Support You Need For non-emergency concerns, a consultation can help us discuss fit. If you are worried about immediate safety, seek emergency assessment instead of waiting for a reply. 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